A Thread Between Hope & Despair

“When does hope turn into despair?” This was the question that led to the birth of this artwork. During that time period I was in a position that you could compare to something as walking on a treadmill. I was always moving forward, one step at a time but no matter how many I would take, the goal always seemed so far away. There were days where I wanted to stop and finally let go of whatever it was that I was holding on to but no matter what happened, I persisted. There was always something that prevented me from giving up. Something that would force me to pick up the pace again and keep walking.

That something was hope.

Hope that someday I will reach the end of this tunnel. Hope that someday my patience will finally pay off. Fantasising about the life that I am awaiting so eagerly. When you are in a position, where the outcome is not fully in your control, all that is left is hope. Now perhaps it was like that in the beginning but the more time has passed, the more my believe was beginning to shake. I pondered, is it really hope or was it despair after all. Was I waiting, struggling, holding on because I was filled with hope or because I was too afraid to let go. Too afraid that this was my only shot at whatever I was aiming to hit. Too afraid that once I let loose, I will find nothing quite like it again.

So when making this drawing I wanted to represent somebody, who lives on that thin thread between hope and despair. Who doesn’t really understand which side they are on and would rather pass on finding an answer to that question. I had an image in mind but couldn’t really decide on a color palette yet.

One night, after booting up the new Silent Hill 2 Remake, just for a moment, I saw the loading screen, which after doing some research, turned out to be the cover of the Original Silent Hill 2 on the Playstation 2. I was obsessed with it after seeing it for the first time. I saw an opportunity to implement some of the aesthetic to my own drawing. At first I experimented with a lot of pink to have a clear contrast to the sharp green but eventually decided to just leave it all black and I am happy I did.

Im also satisfied with how the expression turned out. I aimed for something that showed longing but at the same time hesitation. I would consider this to be my favorite artwork because it matches exactly the kind of art I want to make. All aspects, from the abstract touch to a hint of stylization worked out perfectly in this one.

Coming back to the question when does hope turn into despair, I also would rather not know the answer. I always try to focus on what I have right now because after all nothing is guaranteed in life. Living a life thinking only about the future might just make you miss the living part of it if that makes sense.