Abyss

I think every single one of us has made an experience where they haven’t felt enough as a human being. Whether it’s at work, in a relationship or perhaps their apperance. In my case it was status. To walk the path of an artist, especially in the early days of your career, usually doesn’t stray far from inferiority. At least it was like that in my environment. It is to be expected to receive no support when there are so many better career paths at hand. Why suffer to make it as an artist when you have the opportunity to become an engineer? In an industrial country like Germany they need people like this. You’ll find good work and you’ll be able to support your family. You are a man this is your bread and butter. Stop this nonsense right now and become more serious. Oh, how many times I have heard phrases like these. Allthough it never really bothered me, unless it came from my own family. One night a family member was visiting. Somebody, who wasn’t really fond of the career decisions that I have made. Somebody, who has often said more than was necessary. I somehow got involved in a conversation they had with another family member and was told a phrase that night that would inevitably lead to the creation of “Abyss”.

No matter what it is you do, no matter how hard you try you will never be enough for certain individuals. It often felt like I had no ground to stand on. I tried to climb out of this rut but I just kept sinking into this Abyss of inferiority.